1 year later

This time last year, I was embarking on a trip towards better health and smaller dress sizes...

I wasn't exactly a blue whale, more like a baby blue whale... or an elephant...

On October 7th (actually about a month earlier, I had called the doctor's office) I had my appointment with the doc. She was fat - still is... It was something I had been warned of by the lady who recommended her to me. Not weird, considering all the illnesses that can cause extreme body changes, so I didn't think of it.

I started the diet on a Monday -  October 11th 2010. That was also the day when I started the electro-shocks and mud wrappings (EMS and fango, as the ladies at the clinic call them - it is all the same for me).

A year later, in a formal, fully organized type of diet, I can honestly tell you one thing: losing the weight and keeping it off is not about the diet. It's not even about the sport. It is about a complete make-over, especially up in the attic - your brains has to want it, has to know you want it, otherwise it is one long string of days of you telling yourself "Manana!" or "Tomorrow is another day!"... Oh, yeah! The Scarlett syndrome - I am proficient in it...

When you're not sure why you're doing this whole journey and your mind is not aligned with everything else, the following stages should happen - sound familiar?
1) excitement - "Of course I'm gonna do this! So easy!"
My period of excitement went on for about a month. It coincided with the month when all the excess water left my body... Woohoo!!!
I didn't think anything could stop me, I could see results and frankly, I thought I could walk past the best-smelling restaurant and just say: "you've got nothing here that interests me!"

2) getting used to - "Routine..."
I started to ignore the signs that appeared in months 2 and 3. The less results showed, the more frustrated I got. I never seemed to be able to lose all those 3,5 kilos in 2 weeks that my doctor was telling me I should lose and one day, I told her: "look, I know what I am supposed to lose... give me a f***ing break, ok?"

3) that tiny, tiny slip-up - "Rust"
It happened every once in a while and usually not for more than one meal. Actually kicked in around Christmas, when I had a special diet. I could eat some cake instead of the usual banana or apple.
And it reminded me of the times when I ate like a... I won't say what... cow... I took off and went to my home and spent the holidays by myself.

4) the end of the world - "Ruin"
You're stagnating. You're going to the weekly EMS and mud wraps and you look at the scale and the mf is not moving from XX kilos. And you go: what the hell? why am I doing this? who am I kidding? I am never going to lose the weight!!!" because your doc says just go running and do some elliptical bike - no hard stuff...
Is it any wonder than any negative beliefs might come a-kockin'?
I don't think so...

And then maybe disaster happens - you lose a loved one, or you get divorced or your boyfriend says "bye-bye!" and you find refuge in food, like you always did... Or maybe you have that extra stressful job or that crazy move or what not... And it just seems like such a simple excuse...

According to the plan I had made a year ago, I was supposed to be a top model right now...  But that plan was not aligned, was just that... I approached the weight loss as a project - as I am a project manager by training... But I forgot the first and foremost rule in project management and that is a plan is worth nothing without the action.

I must have lost at least 160 kilos since I started... Honestly... And if I add all the times that I said "I want to lose 20 kilos", I could probably end up with a small iceberg, a truck full of rotten fish or the equivalent of an airplane's weight - passengers included...

And I am not even that big, really. Ok, so my ass was the size of China... it is now reduced to about 60% of it... which is rather sad, because 16 years ago, it was a normal size, God damnit!

1 year later, I am celebrating... Really... rumballs... I have been back on diet for 4 weeks, I see the changes again, I feel better, I breathe more easily. In 1 year, I was supposed to lose 22 kilos - I lost 14 and I put back 9. On the bright side, I did lose a lot of centimeters & dress sizes, but still - I wanna get on that scale and see results.

I won't let it kill me to get there - I have this happy constitution that does not allow me any such extremes... and I can't make myself puke... Big points for me on that one!

What's next?
- new plan
- new attitude towards the plan
- new purpose
- new people holding me accountable
- f**k project management!
- one day at a time...