I recall this as much for me, as for my friends and relatives suffering break-ups right at this moment. They're such a bitch! (Break-ups, I mean...)
There I am, 3rd or 4th of January, all alone in my best friend's apartment, with 0 (zero) food and hungry as hell... The peanuts were on the floor for some reason... :-)
I was younger and felt in love... It took me a while and a few really nasty moments to realize I was, in fact, more or less in love with an idea.
But I loved every friggin' minute of it!
I'm sitting at Anca's computer and putting together a post, while eating the leftovers from last year - peanuts, bon-bons and maybe I'll get to the crackers too, but I don't think so...
Did I tell you I tried to relax? Maybe the annoying guy was right and I needed to relax...
Well, it didn't do me any good, as I still feel very much stressed by the fact that my... love project... yep, it's as good a notion as any... does not reply to me in the same way...
Warning! I have a feeling this blog will become more about love than work... or maybe it will just cover the main ideas... Don't know...
Anyway... one of those stupid questions... IF we keep trying and IF we give it enough time, will he love me as much as I love him... Hypothetically speaking, of course... Love is merely beginning to take shape here...
Answer: NO.
Stupid question no. 2: He is sooo perfect and well, I am so me... Or the other way around: I am sooo perfect and he is so... himself... Will it work?
Answer: Ok, that is a good question... How hard are we willing to try?
Stupid question no. 3: I like him, but feel he is double-crossing me...
Answer: Well, he probably is... Wait, was there a question coming????
This could, of course, go on forever... Women! It's so like us to blow things out of proportions... The thing is, he hasn't texted me in 2 days and I am starting to get one of those ugly headaches and want to murder him... What the hell is he doing? Ok, so I guess I like him big time... Enough to long for a sign from him...That's cute... I haven't felt like this in ages... It's like something hit me over the head or something.
And the thing is, I would really like to get to know all of him... Like I have tried to show him my history, what I was like as a baby, or growing up. That is important. Like I wanted to be his friend, to get to know his likes and dislikes... And all I get is more headaches and a even greater determination to get things out of him, one way or the other...
MOVING ON TO CHOCOLATES!!! Gosh, this is serious!
I read in one of the astrological analyses that I found on the net that the way to my heart is through my head... I'm, of course, a Gemini... A very typical one... Even a not so bright guy (ok, so my choices so far were not the best ones and of course I had a low opinion of my former dates, after I dated them, but this guy sure sounds bright...) would get the message... I can be surprising, I can go along with the stupidest / craziest / funniest plan, I can be versatile, or I can try all this, just give me something to work on!!!
Which brings me to stupid question no... I've lost count... Is he the one? Sure, he brought in some good aspects of our thing (it's a good name for this) that I have not really grasped (since, you know, I was dreaming so much)... But they are not insurmountable... (I love that word)
Parenthesis... I saw this movie where there was this trial and people were looking for "however"... Like, if things were bad and the decision not satisfying to the interested party, they would pray for a "however". And in the end, there is this huge speech, with a good "however" and a bad "however" and then another good "however" and in the end, they all live happily ever after, because that is how things end up in US movies... However...
In this particular case, I feel that the "however" and "what if" and "maybe" are far more annoying than in a movie... I worry that he is only playing... Stopped worrying about me playing... I hate the side of me that wants to play with people's feelings and emotions, that likes to dare them, that is not serious about things... Although, I can never really be serious about something very serious. I don't think he likes that and for him, I would try to be serious about this serious issue, for starters... I'll try to be... But I think it is best I keep a humorous side of things, just in case I need to end it with a smile... The thought of him gives me a large array of sensations. If at a certain point, I was inclined to wipe the smile off his face, now I am dreaming! Yuk!
There's definitely something either very wrong or very right here...
Well, that is it... I need to relax!!!
M
No comments:
Post a Comment