the Diva way...

Hello, world!

I started this journey called life and living, to paraphrase a good and wise friend of mine - a Native woman, with a strong mind, a great determination and a heart of gold, 31 years ago...

I decided to become a diva somewhere around 2007... I was already acting as one - hot one moment, cold the next... Get your mind out of the gutter, people! It is not what you're thinking...

My diva attitude became mostly visible in my work. Its roots - when I get brave enough to go to a doctor (head doctor) - will probably be found in some terrible accident of my childhood, when I didn't get the toy I wanted or something... I don't know... Or maybe someone looked at me funny... No idea!

Anyway... Bygones!

Being a diva, for me, is being different. Acting up, acting out... Making noise! Being charming... Being bitchy... Having that wonderful, nice smile... but also the dagger hidden in your purse... Strange, I never have a purse with me, but I was told my tongue is poisoned...

What else? Going crazy... being loving... always funny... gentle and caring... giving it my very best... crying at silly rom-coms... hating Jennifer Aniston's looks... loving ice cream (especially because it is so bad for me and it won't get me closer to Jennifer Aniston's body - God, I hate that!)... working my butt off... dancing the night away... being passionate about everything - whether it is a project at work or a small fling...

Right now, I feel soft and pleasant... I am willing to just chill. I'd like some ice-cream... Jennifer Aniston's body!!! LOL

The point is... anyone can be a Diva... Being a diva is more like being yourself... that self you do not want  people to see, unless they've signed a prenup and a confidentiality agreement beforehand... That self you sometimes kiss in the morning in the mirror, because you just can't get enough of you! That self that most times stays hidden, because showing her (or him... Who says guys can't be divas? Look at Charlie Sheen!!!) to the world would be like sending a 24 ton of C4 load straight into the White House...

This is about being who you are, at all times. That is the Diva way... Screw the critics - no one has ever built a statue to any of them! Screw the gossip! If anyone talks about how you act, you should be grateful... Think of how empty their lives are, if they have time to dissect yours... Screw the imitators! They'll never be able to fully act like you do... And screw the hypocrites! Who cares what they think, anyway?

Nothing beats being a Diva... except maybe having a little bit of chocolate covered vanilla ice cream...

A post New Year's in the life of the Diva - the love Q & A

I recall this as much for me, as for my friends and relatives suffering break-ups right at this moment. They're such a bitch! (Break-ups, I mean...)

There I am, 3rd or 4th of January, all alone in my best friend's apartment, with 0 (zero) food and hungry as hell... The peanuts were on the floor for some reason... :-)

I was younger and felt in love... It took me a while and a few really nasty moments to realize I was, in fact, more or less in love with an idea. 

But I loved every friggin' minute of it!

I'm sitting at Anca's computer and putting together a post, while eating the leftovers from last year - peanuts, bon-bons and maybe I'll get to the crackers too, but I don't think so...

Did I tell you I tried to relax? Maybe the annoying guy was right and I needed to relax...

Well, it didn't do me any good, as I still feel very much stressed by the fact that my... love project... yep, it's as good a notion as any... does not reply to me in the same way...

Warning! I have a feeling this blog will become more about love than work... or maybe it will just cover the main ideas... Don't know...

Anyway... one of those stupid questions... IF we keep trying and IF we give it enough time, will he love me as much as I love him... Hypothetically speaking, of course... Love is merely beginning to take shape here...

Answer: NO.

Stupid question no. 2: He is sooo perfect and well, I am so me... Or the other way around: I am sooo perfect and he is so... himself... Will it work?

Answer: Ok, that is a good question... How hard are we willing to try?

Stupid question no. 3: I like him, but feel he is double-crossing me...

Answer: Well, he probably is... Wait, was there a question coming????

This could, of course, go on forever... Women! It's so like us to blow things out of proportions... The thing is, he hasn't texted me in 2 days and I am starting to get one of those ugly headaches and want to murder him... What the hell is he doing? Ok, so I guess I like him big time... Enough to long for a sign from him...That's cute... I haven't felt like this in ages... It's like something hit me over the head or something.

And the thing is, I would really like to get to know all of him... Like I have tried to show him my history, what I was like as a baby, or growing up. That is important. Like I wanted to be his friend, to get to know his likes and dislikes... And all I get is more headaches and a even greater determination to get things out of him, one way or the other... 

MOVING ON TO CHOCOLATES!!! Gosh, this is serious! 

I read in one of the astrological analyses that I found on the net that the way to my heart is through my head... I'm, of course, a Gemini... A very typical one... Even a not so bright guy (ok, so my choices so far were not the best ones and of course I had a low opinion of my former dates, after I dated them,  but this guy sure sounds bright...) would get the message... I can be surprising, I can go along with the stupidest / craziest / funniest plan, I can be versatile, or I can try all this, just give me something to work on!!! 

Which brings me to stupid question no... I've lost count... Is he the one? Sure, he brought in some good aspects of our thing (it's a good name for this) that I have not really grasped (since, you know, I was dreaming so much)... But they are not insurmountable... (I love that word)

Parenthesis... I saw this movie where there was this trial and people were looking for "however"... Like, if things were bad and the decision not satisfying to the interested party, they would pray for a "however". And in the end, there is this huge speech, with a good "however" and a bad "however" and then another good "however" and in the end, they all live happily ever after, because that is how things end up in US movies... However... 

In this particular case, I feel that the "however" and "what if" and "maybe" are far more annoying than in a movie... I worry that he is only playing... Stopped worrying about me playing... I hate the side of me that wants to play with people's feelings and emotions, that likes to dare them, that is not serious about things... Although, I can never really be serious about something very serious. I don't think he likes that and for him, I would try to be serious about this serious issue, for starters... I'll try to be... But I think it is best I keep a humorous side of things, just in case I need to end it with a smile... The thought of him gives me a large array of sensations. If at a certain point, I was inclined to wipe the smile off his face, now I am dreaming! Yuk! 

There's definitely something either very wrong or very right here...

Well, that is it... I need to relax!!!

M